Jamie Archer

I guess because I work in digital media and know a fair amount about disparate technologies I kind of have to expect people needing me to help out with tech support. My housemate is one of those people who needs my services so much that he used an  a conversation on Facebook as an opportunity to enlist me to fix part of his website for an ongoing art exhibition (Showflat). He was in Argentina at the time it was just after Christmas. After guffawing for a second I decided to get on with it and help him on my off time. Thats just me.

I help people to do stuff and a lot of the time I don't get paid for it, admittedly I would like to though some of the most interesting projects I've worked on have been not-for-profit projects, the Palestine Literary Festival and the Mantilla Foundation spring to mind. I kind of have a public service mentality about my work which annoys the hell out of my girlfriend as all she wants is for me to be paid a fair market rate for my time especially as I'm a freelancer and she would like to be treated to a few nice suppers in London town! She doesn't work in technology consultancy so trying to explain that I have to have some rather large projects under my belt before I start charging clients a bigger day rate is anathema to her - she reckons I have the skills and therefore deserve the money. If only this were an ideal world...

When I got the call from my housemate to help with the site that I helped him to setup it seemed like an opportunity to sort an issue I'd have to fix anyway on his return. Now when I had a really minor hardware problem I had a bad experience with tech support. It made me think that there really isn't enough training for people who deal with customers over the phone and not enough discretion is given to staff to allow them to take ownership of a customer support issue, that or they just don't want the responsibility.

I decided to invest in some RAM for my Macbook Pro - a 4GB upgrade so I can actually edit my film without waiting forever to load full HD clips. I've had two MBPs now and I successfully upgraded the RAM in the first one no problems but this time around I opened the hood got my jewellers screwdrivers out and then took out two of the three screws covering the RAM only to be frustrated by the third screw which was in so tight that it blunted the end of my screwdriver. There is nothing more annoying than buying technology you can't use or to be frustrated at the last hurdle by such a simple problem. I went and bought another screwdriver set from Maplins only to find that despite this expenditure I could not loosen this Samsonlike screw...so I called in the cavalry.

Seeing as I live in London I decided to call the Regent Street Apple Store and asked if they would be able to help loosen a screw. What was the reply you ask?

TECH LADY "You'll have to book an appointment as it counts as a level one hardware technical support whatever...blah blah..."

ME "An appointment hmmm.... whats that gonna cost me?"

TECH LADY "About £47 because its technical support blah blah pre-scripted response blah...."

ME "Uhuh" (quickly followed by dial tone as I hung up)

What the hell how can they charge £47 to loosen a screw????! That was my first reaction but the second was far more worrying. I desperately wanted to install this RAM. It became an overriding priority and I began to toy with the idea of actually paying this outrageous fee (it has to be said I only contemplated doing this after frantically trying to force this screw with no success for 30 minutes). Suffice to say I didn't pay I chose to be cheeky. I looked at the time, I had an hour till the store was going to shut so I jumped on the tube, computer and RAM in hand and headed for the store without an appointment.

After battling the post-Christmas crowds of Japanese tourists that appear to be taking advantage of the pound I made it into the store walked straight upstairs and cornered a female sales assistant who looked like she needed something to do. I asked very nicely if she could supply with me a screw driver for the purpose of the upgrade. She very kindly took my Mac away and five minutes later appeared with it in hand, screw loosened. She did not ask whether my computer was under warranty or even for Apple support details. She simply got the job done and I borrowed the screwdrive to finish the job there and then in the store as she watched.

So if it was that simple why the hell had the girl on the phone told me I'd have to pay? The answer to this one is easy - she thinks I'm stupid. That may be a bit harsh but thats how big companies get you to pay for technical support, they assume your a stupid customer. She had made the assumption that anything to do with unscrewing the computer had to be done by a qualified techinician and therefore required a charge for said technician's time. I think customer relations reps need a bit more training in dealing with minor tech issues because it the equivalent of going into A&E at a British hospital and being asked to pay. My computer was neither damaged nor broken the fault was caused by over-tightening of a screw at an Apple manufacturing plant and therefore Apple's fault yet they would, if given the opportunity, have charged me. Had I been totally gormless and made an official appointment my wallet would have been £47 lighter.

The moral of this story? Never call tech support ever. They don't see you as a returning customer to be served. They see you as a new customer to a different department of the company. Your a consumer of tech support services not a valued customer that deserves a certain amount of respect. Just because you bought something with the brand name on it does not entitle you to anything.

The second moral: If you ask for something for free you just might get it!

PS I think I should thank the unnamed representive as she was very pleasant and extremely helpful on probably one the most hectic days in an Apple store... Thank you